Germany Bans Accidents at Black Spots

by Fürth, Germany correspondent Stefan Sichermann (Der Postillon)
Translated by Vasili Dbrznvkovitz

Unfallverbot

After sitting on their hands for 5 years, the Transport Ministry, under the fresh leadership of Alexander Dobrindt has bitten the bullet and will finally introduce these signs at accident black spots starting this summer.

“Our researchers found”, noted Dobrindt, “that road fatalities have one common factor: An accident. So prohibiting accidents, by means of these signs, will dramatically reduce the carnage on the roads.”

Alas, their financial resources for traffic infrastructure are woefully inadequate so the Minister has decided to first deploy these signs at accident black spots for maximum effect.

The Minister sees that the erection of the signs on all roads will eventually make obsolete other road signs like speed limit, one-way street, no overtaking, and other warning signs about e.g. incomplete bridges; saving a taxpayers a lot of money spent maintaining the vocabulary of road signs deployed in Germany.

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Bishop Clinches Deal on Iranian Returnees

By Ochsbridge, UK correspondent Summer Rose Winslip-Harrow

Australian Foreign Minister Julie Bishop meets Supreme Fashion Leader Ayatollah KhameneiAustralian Foreign Minister Julie Bishop met with Iran’s Ayatollah Khamenei to conclude negotiations on the repatriation of Iranians refused refugee status. Iran’s right to develop peaceful nuclear power was acknowledged by the Foreign Minister.

A formal, bi-partisan treaty is to be drawn up with specific details. It is understood that Iran will initially accept and guarantee the safety of 2000 returnees; in return for Iran building a 1.4GWe nuclear power plant with mosque in Whyalla, South Australia.

Budget Shuffles Guns from Defence into Schools

By Canberra, Australia correspondent Erica Quarterbee

From WikipediaThe Australian Minister for Education and Training, Christopher Pyne today announced that the forthcoming budget will tie Federal school funding to weapons training in schools, retargeting half a billion dollars from the defence budget every year. The objective is to address the huge market of more than 250,000 illicit weapons in Australia.

KAL1Students in years 10 to 12 will be required to take part in weapons training starting with small-calibre rifles, shotguns and hand guns, graduating through sub-machine guns, up to 50 calibre machine guns in the final year. Continue reading

PETA Calls for Ban on Nylon

by Ochsbridge, UK correspondent Summer Rose Winslip-Harrow

peeling

Peeling Centrifuges

PETA calls for a boycott on Nylon following their research which reveals the inhumane treatment of animals in the production of Nylon. On a tip-off from an undisclosed source, an investigative team penetrated security at a DuPont plant filmed some of the production process and gained access to both process control PC’s and the research lab’s secret computer files. Continue reading

Tap into TEPZILLA

By Yokohama, Japan correspondent Ishni Sunshi

Just over 4 years after the nuclear disaster at the Fukushima Daiichi and its cash-strapped owner TEPCO has spun off a marketing division to start selling its low-radiation water from its 300,000 tonne stockpile of ALPS-treated water under the TEPZILLA brand. While TEPCO isn’t permitted to dump the purified water into the rather more radioactive ocean, the treated water meets all the requirements of safe bottled water for human consumption.
Continue reading

Canadian Refugees Frozen in Wisconsin

By Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA correspondent Laverne Kosnowski

Spring brought a few surprises to Manitowoc residents returning across the ice on Lake Michigan last month. The rapid approach of the winter seems to have outrun a few polar bears that’ve been found in the ice by residents digging down to the front doors of their houses through up to 10 feet of snow. Continue reading

Homework now Illegal in Germany

By Hanover, Germany correspondent Dirk Heede

The Oberlandesgericht Niedersachsen (Supreme Court of Saxony) has ruled school homework illegal following a complaint by the secondary school student body Oberschülerhausaufgabenausschuß Niedersachsen (OberNieder).

According to the complaint; homework was only necessary because teachers were unable to achieve the required learning targets during school hours and that homeworks were only covering up the teachers’ incompetence.
Continue reading

Equity in Engineering

By Melbourne, Australia correspondent Angelina Dawn Summers-Winter

Australia’s car industry is about to get an additional injection of federal subsidies above the previously announced $100million,  to develop vehicles with equal numbers of left and right hand threads, in line with similar requirements for other Australian-manufactured products.

Continue reading

Turnbull Turns on Aunty

By Sydney, Australia correspondent Jennie Drimmof

Lissajous-Figur_1_zu_3_(Oszilloskop)

Image from Wikipedia

Less juice for thin Lissie.
The now former Friend of the ABC, Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull last night announced a halving of the ABC’s budget over 3 years. Mr Turnbull said community feedback has strongly shown that the national broadcaster, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, was delivering much more than what the taxpayers should be paying for and using taxes to compete against private operators in radio, TV and online. Continue reading

Au Revoir Eiffel Tower. Bonjour Moulin Tricolore

by European correspondents Ahmed Butrosghali (Calais), Yvonne Rückenkratzer (Vaduz), Menno van Spijkergraf (Hilversum), Dieter Ditteldiestel (Düsseldorf) and Sven-Erik Østermark (Wroclaw)

EiffelTricolore

The quarter of Paris to be rejuvinated and energised.

The Eiffel Tower is to be dismantled in the lead up to IPCC’s COP21 at the end of November this year, symbolising France’s contribution to the lowering of carbon emissions.

France’s President François Hollande was delighted to announce planning approval has been granted by the City for a more appropriate 300-metre tall, 12 megawatt wind turbine tower to be installed in its place. Already dubbed Moulin Tricolore by passionate and popular acclaim, the structure is to be completed and opened to the public on Bastille Day, 2020. The complete success of the two wind turbines installed within the old Eiffel Tower earlier this year had encouraged government, environmentalists and city planners to tackle climate change in a big way. Continue reading