Canadian Refugees Frozen in Wisconsin

By Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA correspondent Laverne Kosnowski

Spring brought a few surprises to Manitowoc residents returning across the ice on Lake Michigan last month. The rapid approach of the winter seems to have outrun a few polar bears that’ve been found in the ice by residents digging down to the front doors of their houses through up to 10 feet of snow.

Fortunately for Manty residents, the Canadian intruders froze to death some months ago. Local part-time hunters and full-time cousins Karl “Chilly” Brandhorst and Morris “Pencil” Stadler have been collecting the frozen bears and storing them in an ice-filled shed barn outside of town. Speaking on WOMT radio last week, Brandhorst revealed that he’d and Stadler had already skinned and slaughtered one of the bigger bears already and was smoking up some fine ham for Easter.

Brandhorst and Stadler won’t be selling any of the meat; just taking care of the butchering, returning the useful parts of the polar bears in convenient parcels to the people who let them haul away the frozen beasts. The cousins remain coy about exactly how many bears are on ice in that barn at an undisclosed location.

“It’s the biggest thing to happen in Manty since Sputnik fell on the city in 1962” said Stadler on WFRV-TV, “but with this global warming getting worse every year, even more of my neighbors could find a frosty meat parcel on their front porch next spring. Still wrapped in angry fur.”

Manitowoc Mayor Nickels reminded residents to be careful about handling and storing meat, especially when temperature return above freezing towards the end of May or early June. He advised against leaving rotten meat hanging on their front porches before they vacated for the next winter.