Ukraine Takes Over German Nuclear Power Plants

By Correspondents André Visuel-Credable in Potsdam and Vasili Dbrznvkovitz in Regensburg, Germany

Germans are waking up to a surprise this Easter Monday to find Ukrainian flags at the gates and perimeters of Germany’s three remaining, operational nuclear power plants.

It’s unclear if Ukraine’s freshly-trained troops exploited the quiet weekend on the roads to deploy to the plants in Southern and North-West Germany or if “sleeper cells” had been called into action to take charge of the power plants.

While official comments from Germany’s and Ukraine’s are yet to be issued, foreign policy experts who could be reached for comment at the early hour understand that the annexation of territories may be a consequence of German cabinet Minister Robert Habeck’s visit to Ukraine to discuss aid for Ukraine’s post-war reconstruction. Habeck had declared that it was OK for Ukraine’s existing nuclear power plants to continue operations indefinitely, as long as it was safe.

There is speculation that Ukraine’s leader Volodymyr Zelenskyy may have interpreted Habeck’s comments in the context of German Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock’s previous declaration that “the wishes of the German people are secondary to the territorial integrity of Ukraine”.


Images via Wikipedia.

Germany’s Bundeswehr is unable to deploy within the country’s borders and the Bundespolizei (Federal Police) is yet to receive specific orders. Escalation to military action may be perceived by foreign powers as Germany shifting its allegiances to Russia.

Meanwhile, the State Police in Baden-Württemberg, Bavaria and Lower Saxony have been called out to preserve the peace around the plants. Access roads have been blocked and the perimeters are being patrolled with only power plant personnel and services allowed to pass.

No plant personnel were prepared to be interviewed.

The reactions of other early risers in the areas have ranged from alarm to bemusement. Of the half-dozen or so others at the sites, only one was prepared to comment beyond courtesies.

Dog walker, a refugee from Ukraine, Ludmila C., staying with a family at a farm outside of Lingen, said that she’d spotted the flag at the gatehouse while she was walking her host’s Doberman around the perimeter of the plant. As she approached to those in the gatehouse, wishing them a Happy Easter in Ukrainian, she was suddenly accosted by local Police and bundled into a van, taken hundreds of metres away and ordered to remain at least 100 metres from the perimeter fence. The dog absconded.

Locals are advised that the now bilingual Doberman, named Blümchen, is quite friendly. Ludmila expects Blümchen to return home of its own accord for breakfast, having sniffed all the interesting fence posts.


Chess Rules to Change in the UK

By Ochsbridge, UK correspondent Summer Rose Winslip-Harrow

header-chess-logo-en-e1537751487625.pngThe World Chess Federation (Federation Internationale des Echecs — FIDE) has approved the English Chess Federation‘s recommendation that the first move in the game to be determined by each player’s diversity in ethnic, sexual and social justice orientation. Actual attributes are to be disregarded as, for example, not everybody is so privileged as to be born with a physical disability.

While the change has been welcomed by the chess-playing LGBTQI²MNOP community, academics from several Universities argue that the change does not go far enough in terms of equity.  An essay drafted by 29 equality professors at Leeds University and signed 437 lecturers and professors at other UK universities makes the argument that all pieces on the board must be free to choose  abilities and their starting square on the board.

Indeed, each piece’s colour must not define its side in the game; and that pieces of all colours could occupy the same square on the board; as long as it’s OK with all the other non-dissenting pieces on the board. Also; instead of the imperialistic taking (synonymous with enslavement) of opponent’s pieces, the taken may choose to remain and seek restitution in the event of an unexpected attack. Restitution may be in the demotion of the aggressor’s knights and the promotion of the victim’s pawns.

FIDE has advised that it is evaluating all changes in preparation for the sport’s premiere appearance at the 2020 Olympic Games.

Merkel’s North Sea “Alcatraz” for Refugees


Heligoland – 50km from German mainland

By Berlin, Germany correspondent D. Wolfgang Spitz-Bubel reporting from Frankfurt/Main

Frankfurt-based refugee advocates medico international have received a copy of a top secret analysis by German Chancellor Merkel’s government to incarcerate thousands of “problematic” refugees offshore to a detention camp on the isolated Heligoland Islands in the North Sea.

The total land area of Heligoland is just 1 km², the weather is often unfriendly and the surrounding waters of the North Sea; treacherous.

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Спасибо за отпуск

david_mccallum_as_illya_kuryakinBy New York correspondent Illya Nickovitch Kuryakin

US President Obama recently announced the expulsion of 35 Russian diplomats based on the suspicion that the Russian government may have hacked the US Presidential elections.

The Consternation is in receipt of a joint letter, apparently from the 35 diplomats chosen to be expelled, addressed to the President of the United States. Some content has been redacted on the grounds of national security. Here are some excerpts:

Mr President,

We, “The 35“, wish to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for this opportunity to join family and friends in Russia for our Christmas on January the 7th. Our thoughts will be with you in your final days in office as we enjoy the warmth of friendship, Christ’s blessings and proper Vodka.

Ordinarily, we would have to “hold the fort” as Americans would say, while privileged colleagues return home for just a few days. Our boss is a hard man. But thanks to you, The 35, usually working thanklessly in dark, dirty and damp places, get a proper vacation.

Regrettably, we will not be able to personally help you to move your belongings and whatever’s been bugging you out of the White House on the 20th. But rest assured that staff have been assigned.

It is part of the warmth of friendship to help each other through difficult times. The 35 appreciate your warm gesture of friendship and would be pleased to show you around the premises at Nr 3, should you ever be “in town”.

Just pick up the phone; we’re always listening.


The 35

Belgium Hardens as Brussels Dithers

By correspondent Georges Simenon  in Liege, Belgium

The machines at FN Herstal near Liege in Belgium will be busy over Easter this year with the arms manufacturer spreading its manufacturing staff over 3 shifts around the clock.

p90_std_3_4_dFN Herstal’s Public Relations speaker Georges Remi announced just after midnight that the company would operate over Easter to manufacture an extra 6000 FN P90 personal defense weapons (PDW) to be carried by military and police personnel while off-duty. Hundreds of off-duty military and police personnel had reacted to the bombings of Brussels (Zaventem) Airport and subway stations by drawing their weapons from stores to bolster the numbers and strength of local police.
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