PM Abbott Announces Team Aussie-COP21 for Paris

By Australian correspondents Erica Quarterbee and Jennie Drimmof.

Greg Hunt

Greg Hunt

Australia’s Prime Minister Tony Abbott MP BEc LLB MA has instructed the Minister for the Environment, Greg Hunt MP BA LLB MA to form the best possible team to represent Australia at the IPCC Olympics later this year, culminating in the COP21 Games in Paris.

A total budget allocation of $412,786.24 means that the Minister has had to cut some corners in terms of team numbers, travel and accommodation arrangements. The budget has to stretch to 2 sets of games, the 4-day UN-FCCC ADP preliminaries in Bonn, Germany in mid-October and then the 14-day finals in Paris, France starting at the end of November. Continue reading

Charles Narrows in on Deadline for Climate Action

By Ochsbridge, UK correspondent Summer Rose Winslip-Harrow

Source: Guardian

Picture Source: Guardian

The Prince of Wales today renewed his warning of the increasing urgency to tackle climate change, with the deadline for action drawing ever closer.
His Royal Highness today stated we have just 35 years to save the planet from catastrophic climate change.

HRH has been meticulously assessing the science of climate change for more than a decade; calculating and narrowing in on the deadline for climate action.

In May 2008 he urged action within 18 months to avoid a climate change disaster. Then again, in mid 2009, he reminded us that we had only 96 months to avert catastrophic climate change.

It may be too late to wait for the next warning in ca. 23 years; renewing the call for decisive action within the next 175 years to avert a real climate catastrophe.

Potsdam Climate Institute Installs World’s Most-Sophisticated Heating System

By Potsdam, Germany correspondent André Visuel-Credable

Just zis guy, you know. The esteemed head of the much-lauded PIK – Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research, Professor Hans Joachim (“Call me John”) Schellnhuber is very pleased with the mid-summer installation of the Institute’s new heating system. “Warm Hans” Schellnhuber is perhaps best known for his inspirational contribution as advisor to Vatican’s Pontifical Academy of Sciences; as vocal, trusted advisor to Germany’s Chancelloress, Angela Merkel and as a long-term, full member of the Club of Rome (aka The Latter Day Church of Thomas Malthus) Continue reading

German Minister Threatens to Drown Kitten if Data Retention Law is not Passed

by Fürth, Germany correspondent Stefan Sichermann (Der Postillon)
Translated by Vasili Dbrznvkovitz

… or the kitten gets itGerman Vice-chancellor Sigmar Gabriel declared at the recent SPD party Congress that the party must support data retention legislation in parliament or he’ll drown the kitten. That after his threats to resign seemed to fall on deaf ears.

This led to widespread consternation amongst delegates as they didn’t know whether to be charmed or outraged. Gabriel reiterated that all who voted against the legislation in parliament would have Simba on their conscience.

The Minister concluded his speech by saying “I have said time and time again that data retention would save lives and I’ll gladly repeat it: Data retention can save lives.”

Flash: No Federal Budget Allocation for The Consternation

By Canberra, Australia correspondent Erica Quarterbee

Education Minister Christopher Pyne has flagged that the Abbott government will not provide funding for The Consternation in the budget.

“We are deeply disappointed at the total lack of federal budget allocation for this invaluable project” said the publishers and editors in a joint statement on Friday. “We cannot express the depth of our disappointment in the Minister’s decision, especially after the favourable publicity given to his other budgeted changes.  We will try to continue with funding from other sources but will have to divert more of our energies to fund-raising activities such as the Sustainability Regatta in August this year.”

Germany Bans Accidents at Black Spots

by Fürth, Germany correspondent Stefan Sichermann (Der Postillon)
Translated by Vasili Dbrznvkovitz

Unfallverbot

After sitting on their hands for 5 years, the Transport Ministry, under the fresh leadership of Alexander Dobrindt has bitten the bullet and will finally introduce these signs at accident black spots starting this summer.

“Our researchers found”, noted Dobrindt, “that road fatalities have one common factor: An accident. So prohibiting accidents, by means of these signs, will dramatically reduce the carnage on the roads.”

Alas, their financial resources for traffic infrastructure are woefully inadequate so the Minister has decided to first deploy these signs at accident black spots for maximum effect.

The Minister sees that the erection of the signs on all roads will eventually make obsolete other road signs like speed limit, one-way street, no overtaking, and other warning signs about e.g. incomplete bridges; saving a taxpayers a lot of money spent maintaining the vocabulary of road signs deployed in Germany.

Bishop Clinches Deal on Iranian Returnees

By Ochsbridge, UK correspondent Summer Rose Winslip-Harrow

Australian Foreign Minister Julie Bishop meets Supreme Fashion Leader Ayatollah KhameneiAustralian Foreign Minister Julie Bishop met with Iran’s Ayatollah Khamenei to conclude negotiations on the repatriation of Iranians refused refugee status. Iran’s right to develop peaceful nuclear power was acknowledged by the Foreign Minister.

A formal, bi-partisan treaty is to be drawn up with specific details. It is understood that Iran will initially accept and guarantee the safety of 2000 returnees; in return for Iran building a 1.4GWe nuclear power plant with mosque in Whyalla, South Australia.

Budget Shuffles Guns from Defence into Schools

By Canberra, Australia correspondent Erica Quarterbee

From WikipediaThe Australian Minister for Education and Training, Christopher Pyne today announced that the forthcoming budget will tie Federal school funding to weapons training in schools, retargeting half a billion dollars from the defence budget every year. The objective is to address the huge market of more than 250,000 illicit weapons in Australia.

KAL1Students in years 10 to 12 will be required to take part in weapons training starting with small-calibre rifles, shotguns and hand guns, graduating through sub-machine guns, up to 50 calibre machine guns in the final year. Continue reading