Climate Researchers Produce Permanent Anti-Freeze

By Nuuk correspondent Rangi Wehtu Eriksson
With cuts in government spending expected for the vital area of Climate Science, UN-IPCC scientists have engaged with peoples around the Arctic to explore new avenues of funding.

Climate scientists discovered irreversibly-melted Arctic ice more than a decade ago, but the phenomenon was, until now, not commercially exploited.

Community leaders such as those in the extreme regions of Canada; whose people will soon no longer have to toil in filthy oil sands; have embraced the opportunity to profitably employ long-lost skills. While the work is also seasonal, leaders expect to make enough money to sustain them traditionally during the colder months when the irreversibly-melted ice is harder to extract without fraccing.

One of the corporations, whose product is shown here packaged in a domestic 5-litre, recyclable, BPA-free bottle with a RRP of CAN$23.95 (+taxes and government surcharges) in Edmonton, Alberta. The price allows the Michigan corporation to pass on as much as $30 per kilolitre back to the traditional harvesters; after deducting the costs of doing the associated climate science.

Climate scientists warn that cheap imitations may contain at most only traces of irreversibly-melted ice, resulting in the liquid already freezing at 0.004°C (±2°C). “There are billion upon billions of nanolitres of the stuff, so there’s no reason to skimp on essential protection for your car’s engine, the central heating in your home, or for the fish in your outdoor pond.” said one at a recent interview in the Bahamas, recuperating from the strenuous COP22.